If You Only Knew
by Artisall
Summary: How did Alison know about Paige's feelings for Emily when Paige hadn't even admitted it to herself. This will be Paige's POV from the time Alison bullied her to present day Paily. I just wanted to examine the whole torment Paige's character went through and maybe help explain why she did what she did before season 3. Don't worry though, there will be plenty of Paily :
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So after episode 3x11, I wanted to examine the whole tormented Paige aspect a bit more. Maybe a little background will explain why Paige did what she did before season 3. Please read and review! Let me know what you think! There will be Paily, because after setting up the story I think most of Paige's issues will be dealt with in flashbacks :) **

**I don't own anything from Pretty Little Liars (although I'd love to raid their wardrobe sometime.) **

"Paige, honey, you're going to be late!" I sighed gathering my backpack and trudging down the stairs. I preferred my parents being away all the time then being on my case constantly. It was like I wasn't allowed a happy medium. Either they weren't here or they were constantly controlling each tiny detail of my life.

"There you are. You can let being tardy damage your perfect attendance record. Take this banana and head to school." My dad handed me the fruit without even looking away from his paper. Mom did, however, acknowledge my presence and kissed me on the head as she pushed me towards the front door.

I could've slept later if I had really wanted to, but I liked to take the long route on my bike to school. It allowed me to avoid all the students cluttering the town square before school. It's not that I wasn't social, well okay, maybe that was part of it. I had friends, teammates on the field hockey and soccer teams. I didn't really hang out with any of them, but most of the girls were nice to me.

I admit I was a loner. I sat at the front of the class, studied on weekends, joined every competitive sport I could fit in my schedule and generally avoided contact with kids my age outside of school. My parents taught me how to excel at everything except making friends. I was use to being on my own, and most days it didn't bother me. People generally left me on my own, and I flew under the radar. That was until I met Alison DiLaurentis, or satan as I like to call her.

I spotted her group of friends across the courtyard. Alison was always surrounded by the same 4 girls. Upon first glance, they seemed to be an odd group. Hanna use to be one of Alison's main target constantly making fun of Hanna's weight, but now she followed her around like a lost puppy, attempting to dress and act just like her. I never understood why Spencer Hastings put up with Alison. Spencer had always seemed so self-assured and headstrong; yet she turned into putty in Satan's hands when they were together. Aria Montgomery had been the rebellious outcast for quite sometime. She wore a lot of black so that the pink streaks in her hair stuck out even more. I had always admired her ability to not care what people thought of her. It was a trait I wish I shared. The last girl of the group was Emily Fields. She was the reason I noticed this group at all in the first place.

At the beginning of the year I had pretend to ignore the lump growing in my stomach when I spotted Emily from across the room. I figured I was just jealous of how absolutely gorgeous she was. Everyone liked Emily, she was the beautiful girl next door. So I figured I was just like everyone else right? Apparently not. However, I wasn't allowed to figure that out for myself.

"_She'll never feel the same you know." Alison startled me as I finished getting ready for gym class._

"_I...I don't know what you're talking about." Alison straddled the bench I was sitting on, taking one of my tennis shoes away before I could put it on. _

"_Sure you don't. Stay away from Emily or I'll let everyone know which team you really play for." Alison threw the shoe at me, hitting me hard in the chest. I looked around to see if anyone had seen or heard the conversation. The locker room was empty. I stood up and threw my bag angrily into my locker, before slamming the door shut. Alison DiLaurentis had just figure out in seconds what I'd been confused about all year and I hated her for it. _

I turned away from their group, afraid that Alison would catch me looking again. I quickly gathered my things and practically ran to class. I wasn't someone who scared easily, however, Alison knew something no one else did about me. I had no idea how she had figured it out, but none of that mattered any more. If my father found out about my inclinations, I would be dead. He was a deacon at the church and I couldn't even count how many times he had spoken out against homosexuality. If he found out his own daughter was gay or at least liked a girl, there would be hell to pay, literally. While I was worried that Alison would say something, at least she didn't have any solid evidence. That didn't mean that I was going to test her. Most people in school learned pretty quickly not to get on her bad side.

Today was the first day of swim practice and I was glad that soccer season was wrapping up and I didn't have to spend every afternoon chasing Alison on a field. I had always been like fish when I took the pool. I could close out the entire world and just feel the water gliding across my body. It was the one time in my life that I wasn't stressed out about anything.

I moved into the locker room and changed into my swim suit quickly. I had never been super happy with my body, and I didn't feel completely comfortable being in a room half naked with other women.

"Alright ladies, to the pool!" The girls began filing out of the locker room and into the natatorium. I followed close behind, flying under the radar as usual. The coach motioned for us to take a seat on the bleachers for introductions.

"Welcome to the 2008, 2009 swim season! We're glad to have you all here, new faces and old!" The coach continued to talk, but I didn't hear another word, because my eyes had fallen on the dark haired woman seated ten feet from me. Emily Fields. I was in such a state of shock that I didn't even hear Coach call my name.

"Paige McCullers... Paige?" Finally the girl next to me, who I knew from the field hockey team elbowed me lightly, shaking me from my daze.

"Sorry coach! Here."

"Not a problem! Welcome to the team Paige." I turned slightly red, embarrassed that I had been caught not paying attention. When I looked back towards Emily's direction I almost fainted, seeing dark brown eyes staring back at mine. I wanted to look away, I knew I should look away, but my body physically stopped responding to any command my brain was issuing. I was glad the coach ordered everyone to get off the bleachers and begin practice. After the shock of seeing Emily Fields in a swimsuit wore off, the realization of the situation set in. If Alison finds out we're on the swim team together is she going to make my life a living hell? I couldn't quit the team just because of the possibility it would anger Alison. My father would murder me, maybe even more so for quitting a team than liking a girl. He always said all sin was equal, and quitting was definitely a sin in his book.

I forced myself to ignore Emily as much as possible throughout practice. I had decided that just because we were on the same team didn't mean we had to have any contact. I could appease both my father and Alison at the same time. Of course, nothing was ever that easy. I made it through an entire swim practice avoiding her like the plague; of course, as luck would have it, we ended up having lockers next to each other in the locker room.

"Hi, I'm Emily." I nearly jumped into my locker when I heard her speak. At first, I didn't even think she was talking to me. "You're Paige right?" Yep, she was definitely talking to me.

"Um... yeah. Nice to meet you." I spoke to her, trying not to look at her while doing so.

"You're a great swimmer." Great, now she was complimenting me. Did she have to make it harder to ignore her? I glanced up to meet her eyes for the second time today.

"Thanks, you're pretty good too." I couldn't help but smile, it was like she placed a spell over me every time our eyes met, because all normal motor functions ceased to work.

"How...um long have you been swimming?" I kicked myself for prolonging the conversation. I was breaking all the plans I had laid out earlier, and at this moment, I was beginning not to care. Emily Fields was talking to me, and I wanted it to last as long as possible.

"Basically since I learned to walk. What about you? You look like a natural in the water." Did Emily Fields just admit to watching me swim. My heart was doing somersaults.

"Yeah, my dad threw me in the pool at an early age as well... hopes of creating an olympic swimmer I guess." She smiled at me and I melted into a puddle on the floor in front of her. Okay, there was no literal melting occurring, but I wished I could've escaped down the drain at that moment, because none other than Alison DiLaurentis walked through the door.

I grabbed my bag and tried to sprint from the room, but Alison caught sight of me, giving me the most terrifying scowl a 14 year old could give. I pushed through the door and practically ran to my bike.

That night, lying in my bed working on geometry homework when my phone buzzed. I had a text messaging plan, but the only person that texted me was my mom and she was downstairs. I picked it up, opening the new message. I didn't recognize the number, which wasn't surprising since I hardly had any contacts in my phone.

_I told you to stay away from my things, Pigskin. _

I didn't even think twice about who the message was from. There was only one person that called me Pigskin, that I knew of at least. It was a nickname Alison had given me during this past soccer season, after she had confronted me about Emily. At first I didn't understand the name, I thought maybe it was just a random thing she came up with. However, I discovered later that it was about the skin on my legs. I wanted to scream at her, tell her that her bullying was the reason my legs were scarred, but I couldn't give her the satisfaction, and a part of me knew that, even though Alison was a total bitch, the only person that I could blame the scarring on was me.

I threw cell phone at the wall, not caring if it broke or my parents heard the noise. The tears began streaming down my face uncontrollably. I had no idea why Alison was after me, but I was furious. She didn't have any proof of my feelings towards Emily, which meant she had no power over me right? If she wanted to play dirty, then so could I. I decided that night that the next time Alison confronted me, I wasn't going to back down. I wasn't going to let her win.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys! I'm really enjoying writing from Paige's POV before the show's time frame. **

** go-sullivan - Thank you! I completely agree with you on the Spencer front. The whole blaming everyone who ever had reason to want Alison dead is ridiculous. Haven't they learned that everyone at some point wanted her gone? Even the liars... **

** Gloria - Alison will be around, but don't worry, I'm following the tv show, so she won't live forever *insert evil laughter*.**

** del - Aww thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it! Keep letting me know what you think. **

** Eilan537 - I really hope the show gives us at least a few more snippets of Paige's past. I may be bias... but I think she's one of the more interesting characters. Team Paily forever. XD **

**I don't own anything (It's all ABCFamily)... but if I did I'd make Paige a main character! **

Chapter 2 –

I hadn't planned on really doing anything about the Alison issue. I decided after I slept on it, that it would be better to just ignore it and avoid Emily. I heard rumors whispered in the hall that no one wanted to cross Alison DiLaurentis. I won't lie. Part of me wanted to screw with her just because everyone else was too scared to. I think if I had others to back me up, I would've gone after her, full force. However, I was alone with no one to turn to. So instead of lashing out, I opted for survival tactics. Someone would evidentially take her down a notch or two.

Today was even the last day of Soccer practice, which meant the last time it was mandatory for Alison and me to be in the same area, since we didn't have any classes together. Ever since Alison had been messing with me, I always came early to practice. When I entered the locker room I went straight to where I kept my things. I didn't notice that I wasn't alone, until I heard a loud crash, as if someone had punched a locker. I froze, not wanting to make a sound.

"You don't want to fuck with me!" The minute I heard Alison's voice I wanted to sprint for the door, but my feet felt frozen to the floor. I put my bag down as quietly as I could and began to listen to the conversation she was having. I figured since I could only hear one voice that she was on the phone. Then I heard something I never expected to hear Alison DiLaurentis say.

"Please… don't… Just… Please…" I could hear her voice cracking, and for a split second I felt sorry for the other girl. The next noise I heard was her screaming. "FUCK" and then the sound of what I assumed was her cellphone crashing into a locker. I saw it shatter as it hit the concrete floor. I needed to move now or she'd surely see me when she came around the set of lockers. I began to grab my bag and turn when I came face to face with Alison.

"What the fuck are you doing Pigskin!" She shoved me against one of the lockers. I could tell by looking at her that she had been crying, a small bit of mascara running down her cheek. She pressed me against the locker, holding her forearm across my throat.

"What did you hear?!" She screamed in my face and something inside of me snapped. I let out what could only be described as some sort of battle cry, and used my entire body to plow her into the lockers across the room. She let out a cry as one of her shoulders slammed into the handle on the locker door.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I practically growled at her. The situation had just been reversed and for the first time in 15 years, I actually felt powerful. What I wasn't expecting was Alison to look up at me, with a look of terror in her eyes. The once powerful queen of the school, reduced to a blotchy faced scared girl. I released my hold on her and moved backwards. We locked eyes and for a split second I could've sworn she and I actually stood on the same level for once. She now understood what it felt like to feel completely helpless, alone and terrified of someone. However, that look in her eyes quickly vanished being replaced by the Alison I knew and hated.

"You'll be sorry you did that Pigskin…." Before I could answer she ran out of the locker room.

'I'm so fucked….' I leaned against the locker and sunk to the floor. I wondered who could possibly make Alison cry and I couldn't help but feel slightly bad about hurting her, but only slightly. I pulled myself up and got ready for soccer practice as the rest of the team, minus Alison, filed into the room.

At first, I woke up every morning, worried that Alison had enacted her revenge and sent a letter to my parents or told Emily I liked her. If she had, no one cared, because neither Emily nor my parents had mentioned anything about it. Emily and I even casually talked after swim practice last week. Things were good, they were really good and that made me scared. I wasn't use to things going right for me, so instead of enjoying the peace and quiet, I waited anticipating when the blow would come that knocked everything back to where it was.

I had seen Alison in the halls, prancing around like a show horse, per usual. However, since the locker room incident, she hadn't even bothered to look in my direction. I knew the games she played all too well. She was probably just waiting until my guard was lowered to unleash some crazy stunt.

The highlight of my day was swim practice. Swim practice meant time to spend with Emily. With Alison currently scared of me, I wasn't as nervous to speak a few sentences to my crush after practice. It was never much, just casual conversations about classes or the next meet. Emily Fields was the only person I knew that could make complaining about calculus sexy. Really, she could make anything sexy, but I'd never let her know that.

"Are you excited about the meet Tuesday?" I closed my locker door and smiled at the brunette standing next to me.

"Yeah, it will be my first time anchoring and I'm both excited and nervous." Emily smiled at me and my insides melted.

"You'll be amazing. Don't worry about it." I feel like Emily could calm even the roughest of storms with a simple sentence.

"Thanks." I could feel the blush creeping up on my cheeks so I turned away quickly to pretend I needed to get something from my bag.

"I'll see you tomorrow Paige." I turned back to look at her and she placed a hand lightly on my shoulder. "And don't worry, I'm sure you'll kick ass tomorrow." She smiled and walked out of the locker room. I have never smoked pot or done any other kind of illegal drugs, but at the exact moment I felt as high as a kite. I practically skipped out of the locker room all the way to my bike. No one was going to ruin this moment for me.

When I arrived at home my mom called to me from the kitchen.

"Paige, dear! You got a letter today!" I walked into the kitchen and looked at my mom, confused.

"Weird, I never get mail." She motioned to the kitchen table where the letter sat. I picked up the purple envelope and examined it. My name was written across the front and in the upper left hand corner was the name Emily Fields. My heart plummeted into my stomach and I felt as if my face was on fire.

"Whose it from?" I couldn't even look my mother in the eye, I slung my bag over my shoulder and made my way past her to the stairs.

"Just a friend mom!" I yelled back as I practically ran to my room. I shut my door quickly, locking it and throwing my bag on my bed. I had no idea why Emily would write to me, but I didn't really care. I ripped open the envelope and unfolded the letter…..


End file.
